Sketchy Ideas

Being a pedestrian who utilize the comfort and efficiency of Singapore extensive public transport system on daily basis, I could spare my time, or rather ‘am forced’, to stare at various advertisement gimmicks that are conveniently placed in public space.

Take for example a big picture of a handsome guy with the name Pitt (not his real name) who wears a supposedly expensive-yet-not-Rolex watch and is seemed to look at me passionately whenever I walk from Dhoby Ghout Station to SMU School of Economic and Social Science building. He, or rather that gigantic billboard never cease to freak me out every morning. As much as I could proudly claim that the billboard has not altered my sexual orientation, I could not predict its effect to the rest of the population who unfortunately exposed to these Pitt’s blue eyes on daily basis.

I hope the management of that expensive-yet-not-Rolex wisely decides to remove that billboard soon before Singapore Government, through its infamous Social Development Unit, sues them for inducing homosexuality and thus playing part in the decline of Singapore’s birth rate.

While such activities of robbing my memory cell and littering my limited visual cone are beneficial to grease local economy out of recession, encourage sales and consecutively create unneeded need, educate public, increase national spirit and occasionally help me to find a conversation topic (aha!), I could not help but be enthralled or rather amused by the wisdom of those people who work in this billboard business – let it be the designers or the coordinator or etcetera.

For instance, few days ago, I found a nice billboard which advertises ladies sanitary napkins. The design is so-so with almost no graphical representation other than sleeping faeries which is like child’s drawing. Nothing unusual until I realize that the billboard is placed in front of Raffles Institution, one of the premier all-boys secondary schools!!!

Maybe the enlightened advertisers have their own reason to put that, sanitary napkins, advertisement in such awkward place. I always try to be open minded to all possibilities. Thus, I strive to determine the target audience for this particular billboard. So far, my list goes like this:

1. Negligible number of female pedestrians
2. Female teachers
3. Boys who want to undergo sex change (it will be useless for them anyway)
4. Socially defective boys who think giving sanitary napkins to their girlfriends are OK
5. Girl-turn-into-boy who is secretly smuggled into all-boys school

Feel free to expand the list since I am so dull.

Did I mention that behind the sanitary napkins advertisement there is a BEER advertisement? I am very sure that none of the RI-boys is above 18. Maybe the beer advertisement is for RI teachers whose brain cells are shriveled due to constant daily exposure to Rafflesian boys. Hmmm… quite plausible

Another example is the safety related billboard which is placed by hypocrite developers at construction site near my lodging. While they seemed to be useful to remind workers, billboards with prominent words “Safety First”, “Don’t learn safety by accident”, “The Safe Way is The Safe Way” and etcetera are in fact not.

One reason: the billboard is written in English – sometime Singlish – which is a complete nonsense to 90% of the construction workers who are from Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and China and many other exotic part of the world. Worse, I suspect that up to 90% of those ‘foreign muscles’ – my term to complement ‘foreign talent’ – are illiterate. If not for other measures in place, I will not be surprised if tomorrow’s headline is about freak accident at various construction sites around Singapore.

Worker from alien land: (trying to learn English) “D…ooo… Nnn…ot…. Ess… teeaaa… enn… dee… haaee…”
Other worker from another far flung land: “Gubba blavi la ugadda!*” (*Watch out!!!)
Worker from alien land: “Ara?*” (*Huh?)
SFX : Bang!!! (a steel beam fall on the worker from alien land)

Journalist from The New Paper will be very happy indeed.

Second reason is that the billboard is facing outward, to the street and in some cases facing canal, where everyone but the workers could see. Well done!

In Indonesia, the situation is much more exciting. Few years ago, there was a big billboard featuring huge close up picture of a famous Indonesian model – one of my favorite – with bare shoulders. It basically advertised a certain brand of soap.

(sorry if I use the word ‘certain’ excessively – I need to maintain some sort of confidentiality here ;p )

Due to logically unfathomable reason that involve either decency or traffic safety (or both), a group called Defender-front-of-certain-denomination voluntarily decided to help the advertiser to pull the billboard down. To make situation more cheerful, I remember that Defender-front-of-certain-denomination also staged some sort of cheering session. I do not know if they eventually resorted to billboard defacing or billboard burning but I am pretty sure the advertiser did not mind at all – let alone the police. Who would be angry to a bunch of people whose intention are noble and pure? ;p

Well, I do not really mind with all this silliness– except for the Pitt guy’s billboard. After all, regardless how lousy the billboard is, the money is greasing this nation’s solid economy. Furthermore, such activity of placing billboard at random spot is not only creates employment but also amuse some people. Keep up the good work boys!

In any case, hit me if you have any example of such absurdities.